Fandom

Dogecoin Wiki

The Hearsay History of Doge

52pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Comment1 Share

This is the true Hearsay History of Doge. There is very little, here, that corresponds to the truth. Even less is reliable. For The True Hearsay History of Doge is subject to revision and updating.

Much BeginningEdit

Doge Coin was invented in 1888 by the Brushwood Corporation of Iga[1], Japan. In the early days of Doge, trade was carried out in the Nagano Dialect. It was forbidden, by Imperial decree, to mine Doge with anything but Imperially Approved abacii. This resulted in the Doge Crash of 1897 when a fire broke out in the Imperial Abacus Warehouse at Matsu[2] (Shimane Prefecture). In the winter of 1897-1898 S. A. Andrée's Arctic balloon expedition begins. In honour of the balloon expedition, the letter Ð is donated to the Brushwood Corporation for use as a currency symbol.


The symbol Ð was accidentally rented to Rush in 1975 in order that they could write the lyrics for the song "By-Tor & the Snow Dog".

Prince By-Tor takes the cavern to the North light,
The sign of Eth is rising in the air.

The accidental rental led to some misunderstanding due to the spelling of Ð as eth. The Ð was then added to number of Languages such as Anglo-Saxon. Probably as revenge by Producer Terry Brown in a fit of pique. It is generally assumed that this happend through the Ð falling over the event horizon of a hairy, spinning, black hole named Grendel. As with other rumours, this is not certain. What is known is that the Thorkelin Manuscripts of Beowulf were fire damaged. Nobody has ever denied pushing the Ð but the Eth was most certainly pushed to the limits.

So AccidentalEdit

The ill-fated expedition to fly over the Arctic resulted in the death of the entire team within months of setting off on the 6th of July. Rumours - persisting to this day - begin that the Balloon deaths are, in fact, a blood sacrifice. When questioned about this, the only response from S. A. Andrée was that the Brushwood Corporation had discovered a secret plan: "au de la lune". Which, it is rumoured, persists to this day. Between the years 1888 and 2013 few, if any, Doge were mined. This was due to the longhand multiplication and the relative illegality of hash. With the imminent legalisation of cannabis for some uses in Arizona, Billy Markus of Portland recognised that hashes would be easier to miscalculate if he could summon an Australian marketing Person. Jackson Palmer, a worker for a marketing department in Sydney, Australia was accidentally summoned by a late night Kebab Pizza and Absinthe binge. The details, of which, are hazy.

So Atsuko SatoEdit

The Seance seems to have involved the summoning of the crew of the ill fated Balloon expedition. While dead, the crew had learned English and began to reveal the truth about their demise. The expedtion was not a transarctic excursion but the very first attempt of Shibe to get to the moon in the Airship the Atsuko Sato. This outraged the Chinese Government to such an extent that Doge was cast into the infamous Mersenne Twister as it moved up the Gulf of Mexico. This attempt to destroy all the Doge was foiled by an intellectually obscure artist declaring Doge to be art and therefore that the exchange value of Doge should be appreciated. Doge Appreciated, and Shibe, everywhere, declare more loudly their trip to the moon was being undertaken. The details are, again, hazy. This may well be due to the inaccurate stories being circulated that Doge is the secret superhero identity of Bitcoins.

Many SchrödingerEdit

In fact, Doge is the quantum superpostion of all cryptocurrencies. If you have any doubt about what cryptocurrency you are using then it is absolutely true to say, "I do not know therefore I am using Doge". This is the inevitable consequence of quite a lot of things.

Not least, this is the consequence of Shibe going to the Moon. It turns out that each phase of the Moon is in one to one correspondence with a cryptocurrency. Thus there are an infinite number of cryptocurrencies. Thus the cryptocurrency that you are using is probably not the cryptocurrency you thought you were using. Hence, Doge exists as the quantum superstate of all cryptocurrencies as it is the first cryptocurreny to go to the moon. This is possibly not the only reason. But, this is the only reason you get to know without discovering the arcane and esoteric secrets of Doge.

So ArcaneEdit

A Secret Society of Doge Mystics computed that there are only three possible tips that could result in enlightenment:


e Ð: 2.7182818284590452353602874713526
\pi Ð: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795
\pi^e Ð: 22.459157718361045473427152204542
e^\pi Ð: 23.140692632779269005729086367947


For these tips have both a transcendental nature and are irrational. Which is in accord with the recently forged Protcols of the Elders of Matsu (Shimane Prefecture). This tome of ultimate Doge enlightenment catalogues the means by which the Shibe can ascend to a superposition of all cryptocurrencies and thereafter say, "I do not know, therefore I am using Doge". It also has some jokes. The jokes frequently contain references to fire and warehouses - they are not very good. The Secret Society of Doge Mystics having spent all their efforts on becoming Mystics, they lost their sense of humour.

WowEdit

In the loss of their sense of humour there was much lamentation. Indeed, such was the lamentation that Shibe Inu were recruited to ensure that the Secret Society of Doge Mystics were rectitudinal in all their dealings with the World. Henceforth (from September 8th 2013) the Secret Society of Doge Mystics were forbidden to tell jokes. To ensure compliance, the Doge Meme was created. With the power of the meme, the Mystics were banished. It was all very sad.

When the Mystics were gone a rather Hoopy Frood[3] determined the optimum tip was, in fact, 42. Hoopy Frood was not banished. Happy was restored.

Wow Much BeggingEdit

With their sense of humour lost the lamentation turned to scamming. Prince Shibe MuchDoges Ubungi Muglowi became the most prolific scammer after being disowned by his father King Megahash Dogeminer Munglowi. King Megahash had forbidden Prince Shibe frequent Waterbowl visits as Prince Shibe was returning later and later and frequently twerking.

After a particularly satisfying liason with a waterbowl, Prince Shibe saw precariously balanced Bitcoin Ledger tumbled down and stun King Megahash. At the same moment His Third Mother Whose Name Is Not Recorded, remarked upon the contents of a letter about headhunting. This accident led to the mistaken belief, by Prince Shibe, that his family had been beheaded. In fact, the entire Muglowi Clan had been headhunted by an Accountancy and Acapella Singing Consultancy to Mine Bitcoins.

In a fit of grief - and waterbowl induced intoxication - Prince Shibe retreated deep into the Concrete Jungle with his tribe, pausing only to use his Yerkish Mail Client to despatch a heartfelt plea to the world. Prince Shibe's Email [4] has become an object lesson in inept scamming. King Megahash, far from being headless, is most vexed at his offspring and wishes Prince Shibe to stop begging at the Waterbowl.

Shibe Much Northern Much LightEdit

The Aurora Borealis are believed to be caused by Shibe running around and gaining a static charge before boarding rockets to go to the Moon. The static electricity discharges from the Shibe and the triatomic oxygen in the upper atmosphere ionises creating a colour and light display. It is generally thought that Shibe do this to encourage every-Shibe to go to the Moon.

The specific colours are created by the dreams of those Shibes contemplating the Moon at the time of going to the Moon. It is generally agreed that the dreams moving away from Shibe form the red Aurora while dreams moving towards the Shibe form the Blue Aurora. This is known and the Doppler Affect and is not to be confused with the Dopper Effect.

WOW Much ForkingEdit

After a heavy night of drinking from the spare rocket fuel tanks, it was discovered that predators called "Multipools" were gaming the Mining Blocks. Like a huge game of Minecraft. Played with Ðoge instead of Finnish bobble caps. In response several brave Shibes searched randomly on the Internet until they found rule 1.6b(2) of the American Bar Association:

(b) A lawyer may reveal information relating to the representation of a client to the extent the lawyer reasonably believes necessary:

"(2) to prevent the client from committing a crime or fraud that is reasonably certain to result in substantial injury to the financial interests or property of another and in furtherance of which the client has used or is using the lawyer's services;"

Amid much tipping, rule 1.6b(2) was rewritten to make all "Lawyers" Shibes and all Clients "Other Shibes". The rewrite worked so well that Doge forked into the High Fork and the Low Fork. To avoid litigation from real Lawyers, the update was changed to 1.6 and became Mandatory.

Only those Shibes who updated to 1.6 would be following the correct fork in the Road to the Moon. This was the Great Forking. In the Great Forking there was a High Fork and a Low Fork. The High and the Low Forks came from the promise by Scotland - should it becomes independent at the 2105 Referendum - to adopt Ðoge as the official currency. The High Fork and the Low Fork get their first cryptic reference in 1876. This precedes the start of this History by 12 years due to possible time travel and probable causal shenannigans."

The Original ForkeningEdit

The Original Forkening was based on the song "Loch Lomond" from 1876. This casual attitude to dates and time did not deter Scottish Shibes from insisting that the High Fork and the Low Fork were somehow related, because you can rearrange the digits of the 1879 Balloon Expedition into 1876 by rotating the 9. Thus justifying the highly implausible idea that the song:

Oh, ye'll tak' the high road, and I'll tak' the low road,
And I'll get to Scotland afore ye;
But me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o' Loch Lomond.[5]

refers to the future forking of the Ðoge currency due to the aforementioned Finnish Bobblehat abusing Multipools. This delusion was very much promoted by drunken Shibes returning from three day parties where pizza was served. As a result, all of the code for Ðoge Miners were rewritten in LolCode[6] and became invalidated for serious use.

Only Release 1.6 would be on the High Fork and only Release 1.6[7] could ever get to the Moon. For this reason, all Shibes were advised to upgrade to Release 1.6[8] before the mining of Block 145,000. This Block became, known as "Peter"[9]. For obtuse reasons to do with megálo toúvlo being more accurate but harder to pronounce.


The War of the TipsEdit

"No one would have beliebered, in the first years of the third millenium, that Shibe affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space."

"No one could have dreamed Shibes were being scrutinized, as someone in the NSA studies creatures that swarm and multiply across social networks. Few Shibes even considered the possibility of life on other Cryptos and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded Shibes with envious eyes, and slowly and surely, they drew their plans against shibes."

Hoopy Frood, it was, who saw the rise of that vast army of Primes. Commanded by that deity of Primes known only as Mister. Hoopy, to preserve the hidden power of the Ðogecar, began to tip the Ultimate Answer.

The Hoopyness of 42 might well have been that it is 101010 in binary code. Othershibes say that light refracts off water by 42 degrees to create a rainbow. Yet Otherothershibes that light requires 10-42 seconds to cross the diameter of a proton. Hoopy Frood merely remarked: "42 seems the right tip to do this." Under the onslaught of large Prime factorisations and the vicious Mersenne Primes, Hoopy Frood merely tipped until his tipping account was silent.

Miraculously, the tip rain worked. the Prime known as Mister was banished and was compelled to join the Ðoge Mystics in being a God. Which was fine all round. Except for the Mersenne Primes who made incomprehensible jokes beneath their non-existent breaths.

The Rainy SeasonEdit

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.